The times, they are a changing

Platini handing Man Utd the Champions league runners up medal

Michel Platini. The name that sends a shiver down the spines of the Premier League big boys. He’s finally got his wish, ever since he was installed as king (or whatever) of U.E.F.A, he has been on a one man mission to demolish all that is evil about the European game. No, not the racist supporters of Italy, Spain and Eastern Europe. Not the bungs and backhanders from shady agents. Not the diving and cheating at the highest level. Not even the blatant tapping up of players through the media. Platini has seen only one thing that is a danger to the European game, English football. Be afraid; be very afraid, because he has finally found a way to destroy it.

He proposes in the ‘U.E.F.A Financial Fair Regulations’ to “encourage clubs to manage their finances better”, sounds well meaning doesn’t it, he wants to help us, he doesn’t want another football club to go to the wall, but read between the lines of his French waffle and we discover he basically he wants to stamp down on the unparalleled cash cow of the Premier League. The new guidelines will only really affect us, because whist our league brokers deals worth billions, the French ligue probably have to accept chocolate oranges and lint for their television rights.  What we are about to witness, my dear football fan, is the first nail in our games coffin. In his, rather blinkered, opinion the Premier League is much like a lottery winning chav, someone who doesn’t deserve their new found riches and  finer things in life and inevitably will only waste there gifted windfall. Granted our football clubs waste mega money on appalling players and give them huge sums of cash, which often results in them making a pact with the devil allowing them to trade their brain cells for hookers, but shouldn’t it be our choice?

The Premier League are brave enough to regularly pull down the pants of the F.A and discharge a long golden piss of self-righteousness and broken promises into the empty begging bowl at Wembley, but when Napoleon pipes up they retreat like… like…like…well like the French during a period of war. Why don’t they stand up to him? He looks like an ageing lesbian. He hates our game, absolutely despises any success we have or might attain. It wouldn’t surprise any of us if the next televised U.E.F.A press conference takes place from the anal passage of Florentino Perez, Platini’s spiritual home.

It appears that some coaches and owners have been privy to Platini’s new financial guidelines for years. Real Madrid are back in galactico mode, once again printing money made from the image rights of the soiled souls of all their players. You can imagine it, Perez cosying up to Ronaldo and telling him what a wonderful player he is, just before he informs him that he is set to become the face of Real Madrid’s new pile cream.  Over the past 5 years pundits and supporters have been questioning Arsene Wenger’s penny pinching approach in the transfer market, suddenly the new stadiums almost paid for and they’re announcing profits of £50 million. This profit would put them at the forefront of any transfer activity under Platini’s new plans.

Platini wants profit from football clubs, not serviceable debt. Arsenal will be kings of the crumbling Premier League castle. The transfer budget and wage bill of every Premier League club will have to be slashed; this will undoubtedly have huge ramifications on the likes of, brides to be, Manchester City. Their open pursuit of the best players in the world will be replaced by shameful approaches to the agent of the new Hamilton Ricard. Our game will hit rock bottom. Let there be no doubt that the Premier Leagues leading lights will seek new challenges, challenges that just so happen to take part in a warmer climate and lower taxes. The foreign players will not want to stick around to help rebuild our crushed empire.

If the Premier League stand by and let this happen, mark my words Platini will achieve his goal. And when we’re on our knees, Platini will threaten us with expulsion from Europe after an English fan had a sly fag at the Bernabeu. He will then broker a deal allowing us to continue in Europe if we let him rewrite the history of the Premier League. We will agree again because we are weak. Gone will be the astonishing treble winning season of Manchester United in 99. Our history will instead recall the time Marco Boogers left West Ham and went to live in a caravan. Gone will be the season where Arsenal remained unbeaten throughout the entire league campaign in 2003/4 . The history books will recall Marco Boogers in his caravan and the time England right back Gary Charles was found in his car covered in his own faeces. Gone will be Liverpools exhilarating European cup triumph in Istanbul. History shall not record this, history will recall Marco Boogers in his caravan, Gary Charles in his own shit, El-Hadji Diouf spitting at a disabled fans, El-Hadji Diouf spitting at fellow professionals, Gary Neville’s tash, Joey Bartons temper, Gazza’s breakdown, Rio’s drugs ban, Christian Gross and his magic tube ticket, Wayne Rooney and his granny grabbing antics, Bowyer and Woodgates racist attack, Ali Dia blagging a game, Les Reed blagging a job, Glenn Hoddle and his backward views on spirituality, Big Ron’s backward views on acceptable language and Marco Boogers… in a caravan… impatiently waiting for a new toilet seat stole by Glen Johnson.

Dear reader this is the past, but unless the Premier League grow a pair and tell Platini where to shove his proposal, it could be the future generations only version of history.

by Shaun Owen

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About upper90magazine
upper90magazine brings you an interesting, exciting, alternative, sometimes, controversial view on the footballing world. We will review everything football, from cold gloomy Non-League games to the thrills and spill of the Champions League.

4 Responses to The times, they are a changing

  1. patrickfc says:

    Shaun welcome to upper90, good article!

    However I have a differing opinion.

    I feel the new restrictions Platini has set will mean that the Premier League’s big boys will experience more success.

    Ok in the short run they will have to balance their books and they may have to drastically cut wages to do so (obviously leading to a decrease in performance)

    However if clubs are forced to spend what they earn, clubs with small grounds and less revenue will definitely not be able to compete with the revenue that giants United, Arsenal and Chelsea earn. Which debt or a nice sugar daddy allows them to currently do!

    In my opinions the new laws will demolish fairness and take us back to a segregated top league with a clear top 4, a clear bottom 3 and a lot of nothing in the middle!

    The champions league will continue to be run by the Premier league and La Liga as these are the teams that dominate the rich list (7 English teams in the top 20)
    Have a look at the rich list…

  2. alexdavis90 says:

    Be prepapred, this reply will probably go off complete tangeants and will be a mindless ramble. I’m basically going to type whatever comes to mind:

    I don’t think its a bad thing at all to be tackling finances. The game is dangerously close to becoming a farce, the ‘Premier League’ certainly lacks the reality and culture which made the game so special.

    Whilst I agree Platini, and UEFA in general, have been unfair to British teams over the past few decades, I believe these rules are aimed at securing the long-term future of the game. In my opinion some changes are definitely needed as the money culture in the game currently is just very dangerous. Clubs are run on finances they don’t have and by owners whose long-term intentions are far from clear. If the Sheikh pulled out of Manchester City they would be well and truly stuffed. The damage done by owners at Liverpool, Leeds and Pompey is clear, it is time in general we got our game back. Whilst these rules won’t help all of that that I hope it is the first step towards a more responsible financial footballing culture.

    We are already on the verge of a two-tiered league where teams such as Man City can be run like playthings and will sweep all before them whilst responsible well-run clubs struggle to compete. Fans are becoming disillusioned by the ‘Premier League’ and its nature, the way Man City are run and how Chelsea were orginally under Roman Abramovic, is not the way football should be. Football should favour the cleverest and bravest, not just the richest.

    I, like Patrick, doubt whether these new rules will work, indeed I’m sure there will be loopholes that merely allow the richest to get richer. I haven’t read the 91 page document myself as it would be pointless. However, for me it is about time that football and the Premier League in particular started sorting their finances. If not it will become a game about those who have the richest owners, if it isn’t that already. i’d rather clubs run in the way Arsenal are being rewarded for their astute strategies and efforts than for sugar daddies to buy a Premier League by dominating a transfer market. I hope these rules tackle that.

    Maybe it will encourage clubs to build in the way that others have, through traditional methods. I believe the rules still allow for owners to spend money on stadiums etc? Increase attendances, find intuitive ways to gain sponsorship (look at the Bristol Rovers model), increase success, move up through the leagues, increase attendance and so it goes on.

    I doubt it, but its worth a try. The Germans have got a very good business model that allows for a competitive league, a far superior fan experience and they are now are reaping their rewards for their responsibility as they become competitive on the European stage once more (both internationally and through clubs such as Bayern). If anything the German league is proof that if these rules are implemented properly, and that’s a big if, British football could become more exciting than ever. Of course, it could just end up with a nightmare scenario like Patrick suggests.

  3. Soccerlimey says:

    Fear not my friends. As much as Platini hates the Premier League, his Utopian beliefs that UEFA can eliminate certain clubs on the basis of poor finances just won’t hold up. The concept of the Champions League is to bring together the best teams in Europe. The minute you start to filter those teams out, you dilute the tournament’s worth and from then on, it’s a slippery slope.

    UEFA and FIFA are such whores for money, that the TV stations will simply not allow it. Their contracts have been paid based on certain team’s participation and the last thing that the squirmy Frenchman needs is a court date to explain his madness away.

    However, it’s important to understand the point that is being made. Get your house in order.

  4. PJP says:

    I’m afraid I must completely disagree that attempting to curb the outlandish and nonsensical approach that the Premier League has towards money is in some way a bad thing. Like some posters above, I think it is highly likely there are loopholes that will be exploited, but I hope there are not.

    If the Premier League (or more likely, clubs such as Manchester City, Chelsea and United) crumble under the weight of it’s own greed then so be it. Everything that is wrong with the modern game links back to the fact that there is just too much money in the game.

    Clubs employ Mr Anti-Football himself because they are so scared of losing their TV money that they would rather have their fans watch ugly hoofball and finish 14th each year instead of valiantly attempting to stay up playing the beautiful game as it should be played.

    Players demand moves every few years and show no loyalty to their clubs, except of course, if their club offers them a huge pay rise. Players are paid over £200,000 a week. Over 8 times the average national wage for a year, but in one week and after tax. It is morally wrong, and if clubs are forced to curb their spending then I for one can not wait!

    Our national team is a disaster. I believe the reason can be found in the way we pay players in the Premier League. Players are not interested in playing for their country and would rather be at their clubs and young English players are not afforded the opportunities they should have. A German based system with a wage cap and encouragement to bring through young German nationals would not go amiss.

    And why should Arsenal not be rewarded for actually making profit? You seem to make the judgement in your article that it is somehow wrong that the best run club in the league should actually have an advantage from making profit? Again, I totally disagree and think that a well run club deserves every bit of success and if the new rules encourage that, then again, good!

    Finally, if these rules level the playing field and each year we do not know that either Manchester United, Chelsea or at a long shot, Arsenal or City will win the league, then good! Ask any Championship fan how exciting it is to not know what is going to happen each year, even if it means your club might not do as well and they will tell you the same thing. The Championship is MUCH more exciting than the Premier League and if the new rules make our top flight more competative then good!

    Sorry for the rant but I think in so many ways that football has been ruined by excessive spending and greed. If these rules help to rectify that, then they will have my full support and we should not be against them just because they come from somone as unpopular as Platini.

    Let’s also not forget that these rules will apply right across Europe and Barcelon and Real might also struggle.

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